


Bathroom Conversations

by imbadwholf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-05-31 01:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6450505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbadwholf/pseuds/imbadwholf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's starts with a sad Draco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one for yes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stuckay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckay/gifts), [drarry-ponderings](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=drarry-ponderings).



The very first time it happened neither of them intended it to. What had started off as a normal day gradually changed. As a Malfoy, Draco’s father had tried to train him to love the darkness that night brought, but in reality he was as drawn to the sun as could be. The way it cast a gleam across the grounds of his school had always entranced him. That was the reason he found himself leaving the dungeon early on this particular Saturday morning. Looking out at the sight of the sky it didn’t surprise the twelve year old that he could feel cool tears against his cheek crystallizing. Despite being brought up with the ability to cast light with a simple word he was always astonished by how powerful the burning gas was, especially when it bleed red across the trees. It was early December and for the first time since he had started this daily ritual Draco indulged himself, in allowing himself to contemplate that which he had suppressed: the craving of a certain human’s company during this personal time. Until he had been officially enrolled at Hogwarts the blonde had found friendships an intangible idealistic fake reality that existed only in others’ life. But no sooner had he dragged his feet across from the sorting hat and towards the waiting cheering table did he find himself surrounded by willing companions. What worked as both a door opener for potential links, also became the shackles chaining him to the ground of anxiety; his heritage. Over the next few years those chains on his ankles would start to coil more, restricting his movement until sometimes even lifting his chest to breath would be an unbearable task. But currently, the main concern he had was what he had been blocking out. That which he did not want to confront and yet grasped to every single time he could. A part of him he knew he would accept full heartedly but would cause his father to hurl at the mere thought of. This big unspoken issue was that Lucius was a bigot, in every sense in the word. His hatred of all outside of his perceived ‘right ways’ extended so far that his son was almost one hundred percent sure his sexuality would not be excepted by his role model. It had been a few weeks before the previous summer holiday when he had found a term that seemed to encompass his thoughts. Bisexual. Reading it had lead to relief to flood inside of him. It was like returning to place fitting of the title home, Draco supposed. No dissimilar to happiness was how he felt while he researched more and more about it before returning the muggle studies books back in their rightful place.

 

If his preferences were to be found out by his father abandonment would be one situation that seemed likely. However if he knew one of the boys which had Draco’s heart racing, the one which the little child was most certainly take on, murder would be committed within the Malfoy manor almost instantaneously. Under the rays of heat lying felt like a sin, as if denying himself the simple truth was to misconduct oneself in front of an ancient artifact that deserved only the best. Only the truth. After many a time trying to hide the wish to be standing beside whom he fancied Draco finally caved. “Harry.” He whispered to the sun. Opening his eyes to watch the reflection of the castle within the lack shake, it seemed to have received the most brutal impact of the confession. A not so distant tower found it’s image elongated around the curve of a ripple that ran through it’s turret like a seam down a dress. “I like Harry Potter.” When a person retains such information for so long it seems almost inevitable that releasing that sentence into the fragile air would be greeted by some sort of reaction. Anything. Instead a bird flew past the sky, but that movement would have occurred regardless of the boy’s presence. Watching the red clouds he waited for rain to fall down upon him, the trees to curve inwards and suffocate him, the castle to tumble down towards him and break him within the rubble. But not a single thing happened. Looking around Draco lowered his curled up legs and survived the lack of damage. Finally he realised that nature seemed to have stayed the same. Maybe this indifference was the slight acceptance he had always craved, because suddenly his emotions became too much for him. They caused him to almost trip over his cape in a hurry to get himself back to the building that had been behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are you goi-”

Pushing away the outreached hand Draco carried on stomping down the corridor. “I’ll be at breakfast in a moment.” Looking at the slowly building amount of children around him he started to piece together just how long his conversation with the outside world must have taken; he had not even made it back to his dorm as per usual to pretend to wake with the others. “I just need to go somewhere.” He told his comrades before leaving them and heading away.

 

* * *

 

 

The cubicle locked behind him and a grasped cry was ripped from his through without his intent. Backed up against the wall Draco wept openly. For a while he sat on the dirty ground and let the emotion fall from his eyes, the toilet beside him the only company around for several room. Then he saw two dirty shoes on the other side of his door made himself clear in his vision. “Hey, kid.” The voice sounded as broken as they both felt. “You okay in there?” It was hard to breath when the other boy asked so they sat in silence. Getting down to the floor and leaning against a different door the voice suggested something. “Knock once for yes, two for no.”

Inquisitive as to where this would lead Draco leant forward and knocked on his door, and then did so again and then quickly again.

Whilst the other could easily have been annoyed he seemed to laugh it all off. “Okay. That’s a feeling I can understand. Friend stuff?”

Two knocks bounced off the tiles around them.

“Family?”

Only one did this time.

“Ah. Do you wa-can you talk about it?”

Together they listened to the couple of bangs.

“Makes sense. I am annoyed at something as well… wait no I am not suppose to tell people my things. Like it’s called burdening them… I think. Something like that, anyway I think Hermione told me how when someone’s sad you don’t tell them your own stuff you know?” When that was meet with a two bangs of Draco’s foot on the floor, he laughed. “I didn’t expect that. I didn’t post that as an ‘actually answer me in our secret way’ kind of thing… I don’t think about what I am saying sometimes. I am sorry.”

_How many knocks mean you have nothing to apologize for and I would forgive you for anything and please talk to me more?_

“Anyway I should probably just… get going.” _Evidently it’s not zero._ Draco scorned himself for his silence. The other boy lifted himself from the floor the and patted down his constantly mudded gown, even with only the faint glimpse of the feet before him Draco fondly smiled at his vision of how Harry would shake his collar in an attempt to rid his outfit of the permanent mess. “Breakfast and all that. See you around? I mean I probably won’t… because I don’t know who you are and all.. But maybe you know who I am an-” A simple tap of a fist against a wooden frame interrupted him. “As in you will see me? Or you kno-” Three more mor bashes were made. “Thanks.” Harry replied in a callus free tone. Without anything else he left.

Sitting for a while Draco tried to contemplate how to react and what to do. It felt strange to think about him and Harry sitting so close to each other and discussing more openly things which in the light of day the latter would never wish to talk about with the slytherin. Embarking on his trek towards the great hall he tried to the think up a plan with half of his focus, on how to avoid Potter’s glare when he entered the room and explain his absence from their room and lateness to his cronies. Simultaneously the other half of his thoughts remained focused on the fact he and the person who should be his nemesis just sort of had a heart to heart. Little did Draco know that, that was only the first of many conversations he and the gryffindor would share in bathrooms.


	2. Family name

 

During the next January Draco found himself leaning against a sink fairly often. The bile that poured from his mouth felt like it took away some of the anxiousness building within him, even if only momentarily he could relax before he would crouch forward and bring up more. It was with little care for his action and precision that he wiped his lips against the back of his hand before washing it under the warm water. A trance like state overtook the boy as he watched the basin gradually returning it  to its original state of white. Calling the holidays with his relatives a disaster would be an understatement, and the affect it had on him was not a positive one at all. So much so even after having returned to the tranquil castle for almost three whole weeks the remnants of past conversations caused the blonde to find himself hunched over. For some reason the lower he got to the ground the more restful he felt, or he got an echo of peace, for that was not something any Malfoy ever could truly feel. As a teen he appreciated the way his name came with many side effects. Having suffered many of them already. “Draco?” 

One being the boy now standing behind him. The scruffy looking child who looked as if his cheeks were made to be cradled. _Probably something to do with his childhood and not being held enough as a baby._ Draco internally noted as he scanned quickly over the other occupant of the room from the mirror. “What do you want Potter?”

Ignoring the snarky remark the student stepped closer. “What are you doing in here?”

“I went to the toilet. What do you think I am doing in here? It’s is a bathroom for heaven’s sake.” Making a show the richer of the two cast a spell to clean himself. “Are you here to talk to that ghost friend of yo-”

“Mertle.”

The rolling of one’s eyes can often be an automatic response to a comment so futile it deserves no verbal reply, and that was what caused Draco to cast his glance high in the air before looking down again at his robes. “Because she isn’t here. Nearly headless Nick convinced her to go out for some walk or something, or at least to stay away from the boy bathroom for a bit. Don’t know why she bothers coming here anyway. It probably has something to do with you or Weasley boy you call a friend. I bet, for some unknown reason she fancie-.”

“I jus- I just wanted to go… to the toilet.”

Finally turning around the blonde skilled his porcelain cheeks to remain as such. “Yeah.” Eyebrow high in annoyance. “Well, go on then.”

It was not until Draco was halfway to the exit that Harry spoke up. “What were you really doing in here Draco?”

_Avoiding you._ “Avoiding you.”

Judging by the look on the orphan’s face that had hurt. “Oh.” _Not for the reasons you think._ “I am sorry.”  Wither Harry could interpret Draco’s confusion by the face he pulled or just from an understanding of how vague and unexpected his comment had been the boy carried on. “I’m… I am sorry it has to be like this.”

Me too. “Whatever,” Before storming out he made sure to call out the last name loudly, “Potter.” because that was the cause of this. At least inside his head that was how the slytherin boiled it all down. Over simplifying the complicated issue of right vs wrong, them vs us, Harry vs Voldemort, Draco could internally curse his last name for his lack of choice when it came to sides. But then again he also didn’t trust himself to know he would do the right thing if given the option. With a bang he closed the door.


	3. bullies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of a panic attack  
> tw: bullying

“Hold his head down.” 

A wail could be heard from one of the cubicles. Advancing towards them Draco could tell the tale tale signs of what was occurring behind the door. “Shut up you mug-”

When a giant splash of water fell towards Draco and he suddenly started to take notice. “Boys!” He barked. And despite being only a third year he knew the authority in his tone caused allegiance among all bullies. They released the first year who spluttered, dark murky water falling from his lips in drips, his hair damp and sticking to his face as if for dear life. _As I thought._ “What the devil do you think you are playing at?”

Sheepishly the two other slytherins tried to excuse their actions. “We ju-”

“You always pick on th-”

“We thought that it was a good idea.”

With every air and grace he could muster Draco glided towards them with his head held high. “You thought it was a good idea.” While not posed a question the two nodded. “Because I taunt those with muggle blood you thought you would what join in?” This time with more eagerly their moved their heads. “And to taunt this… mudblood you used muggle bullying strategy you learnt in muggle studies.” Raising a brow he waited for their stuttering and no sooner did he hear it did he point to the still crouching student. "You.” Draco commended. “Up.”

Lifting his head further from the toilet it took no more telling for the child to scarper away. “We ju-”

Tutting the blonde turned to the mess and demanded one of them to clean it up. But when he found out neither of them knew how he rolled his eyes before casting a lazy spell and turning to a different toilet. “Go.” He ordered without even watching them as he did so or as they scuttled out.

 

* * *

 

 

It was when he had finally stopped shaking that someone walked into the room. It was a good job that this panic attack had been so short lived otherwise this person might have walked in during it. “Draco?” 

_Yes._ “What do you want Potter?” He spat.

“I just wanted to say, thank you for everything you did for Colin.”

Flushing the toilet for good measure the boy took two deep breaths before stepping out. “Who?” Adding hatred to his voice came natural, it was all about projecting. For instance while talking to the delightful Harry Potter Draco would find himself imagining his less compatible father, and vise versa occasionally when fondness was required in the Manor. _It helps to pretend sometimes._

The question seemed to stun Harry before his eyes widened in (adorable) realisation. “The gryffindor… the one who those bullies were picking on.” Ah. “He told me about it and I just… I know I should have been here.” You can’t be everywhere. You can’t protect everyone. You can’t blame yourself everything. “Anyway what you did… stopping those two boys. It was. It was amazing real-”

“They were being distasteful in their techniques.” Pushing aside the compliment the Malfoy started to dry his hands. “That is all.”

What graced the others’ lips then was a faint smile. “Yeah. Thought you might say something like that.”

_You considered my response?_ “What? The truth? I get you might not like slytherins but we don’t all li-”

Daring to step closer Harry started his classmate in the eye. “The truth?”

Inside of his mind Draco imagined leaning down a little further. How their lips would dance over one another, gliding to a rhythm they could set by their pounding hearts. It was just as this image was evaporating in his mind that Draco felt the blood rising to his face. “Yes.” _It doesn’t help to imagine sometimes._

“You wouldn’t know the truth if gave you a kiss on the li-” That was too much for Draco who stopped Potter mid sentence by bargaining past him and knocking soldiers like player on a pitch. _Oh what a game we are playing._ “Thanks anyway.” Called out the ever persistent one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed! As always kudos/comments/ feedback via tumblr (I am ollyhooper over there) is always appreciated. This ones a little small because I felt like I needed to write something and then I picked this fic and just ideas started to happen... and yeah I hope it isn't too bad :)

**Author's Note:**

> In my head this is a multi-chapter story but I have lodes of offline things at the moment to attend to. If you liked this part please leave kudos, comments, feedback on my tumblr (ollyhooper) or bookmark. And I don't want to sound rude or presumptuous at all but the more attention this gets the more likely/quicker I am to update it, just because of trying to manage my other commitments.  
> I hope you enjoyed :)


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